Just War

A: So tell me, my friend, do you support the war?

B: Indeed, most enthusiastically. As long as no one gets killed or injured.

A: But that is absurd, friend. How can there be war with no one being killed or injured?

B: You mean to say there has never been a war in which no one was killed or injured?

A: Not that I know of. Which war would that be?

B: The only kind of war I support.

A: Once more--that’s absurd.

B: But war itself is absurd, isn't it?

A: You mean there are no just wars?

B: Naturally. A just war is a war in which no one is killed or injured.

A: I am not following you. Why would you be pro-war if you want no one killed or injured?

B: Because war is absurd, and folks need a degree of absurdity in their lives. It's healthy. Keeps the blood running. It adds excitement, and a sense of the unknown. They say generals die in bed. So I say make everyone a general. Then everyone gets a shot at medals and glory, all the acclaim and admiration, just so long as no one is killed or maimed.

A: And everyone dies in bed?

B: Sure. Why not?

A: Well, if you are pro-war you certainly support the troops.

B: No. I don't support the troops.

A: You're pro-war but you don't support the troops? How can you be pro-war and not support the troops that fight it?

B: Because it's just war.

A: You mean because you support just wars, and in just wars no one gets killed and maimed.

B: That's right. Why would they need support? In fact, why have troops? It's just war.

A: Just war?

B: Well, because everyone's a general and no one gets killed or maimed, and they....

A: All die in bed.

B: You got it. Easy as pie.

A: As pie?

B: Just war. Easy as pie.

A: In bed?

B: You got it.

A: I see.

[EAC copyright]